Into the Sun
This body of work is part of my journey of healing from depression. I struggle with writing and verbalizing my story - creating art is my way of communicating and processing. There are themes of feeling overwhelmed, chaotic and a need for control interwoven through the pieces. The bright colors aren't necessarily representative of happiness, but of the "happy mask" I often present to the world. I have also included the idea of kintsugi to demonstrate the process of becoming more resilient and beautiful as I work through depression.
Perfection - 12" x 12" My version of perfection involves getting every tiny detail perfect. As layers of these different things build up, it becomes completely overwhelming.
Empty - 9" x 9"
Orbits - 5" x 7" This was the first piece I made in this art series. I couldn’t keep track of everyone and everything I felt responsible for. I was overwhelmed by the demands of everyday life.
Restrictions Expand - 5" x 7"
Boundaries/Boxed - 9" x 12" I presented a joyful, energetic appearance. “How are things?” was often met with an answer of “Crazy!”, accompanied by a smirk. I was unable to set or maintain healthy boundaries and often felt trapped by the overstimulation.
Fractured - 4" x 4"
Patched - 4" x 4" As I’ve progressed, I feel that I’m slowly adding a piece at a time to this healing journey. Sometimes pieces fall off and another takes its place.
Fixed - 9" x 9" This piece represented the time before therapy when I had started meds and felt “fixed”. I felt complete, not realized how fragile the filled cracks were.
Crazy Quilt - 12" x 12" Crazy quilting is a textile art that uses patchwork without predictable patterns. Depression made me feel out of control - “crazy”- and I fought to box it in & force it to submit. I wanted to make it undetectable while wearing my perfect life mask.
Transparent - 4" x 5"
Warning - 12" x 12"
Control Lost - 12" x 12" I fought hard to maintain control in different aspects of my life, such as my family & my home. I also desperately tried to control what others might this about me. The waves of depression made it harder and harder. I started to unravel.
Depression Ladder - 6" x 12" *sold The original concept for this was to show a straight ladder out of the dark pit of depression. As I thought about it more, I felt a straight shot is what most people want out of depression, a quick fix. I wanted to represent a more accurate depiction, one that hopefully continues upward.
The Climb - 10" x 10" Patterns bring me comfort. I feel safe in its predictability. Depression is so frustrating because of how unpredictable it is. Lows (valleys) can appear out of nowhere.
Deliberate - 4" x 5" If you’ve ever done cross stitch, you know how slow of a process it is. Each “X” takes two stitches. I use hand stitching here as a representation of how intentional I have to be with the work of depression.
Rewire - 5" x 12" *sold Going to therapy was much more challenging than I thought. It truly is work. I felt like a tightly bound ball of tangled wires at the beginning. As I learned how to change my thoughts and behavior, I could feel myself being untangled.
Cracked - 8" x 12" *sold As I slowly progress through the healing process, I find myself falling back into old habits, cracking areas I thought were fixed. The hardest leaks to repair are the smallest, the slowest, the ones I don’t realize are cracked until i’m knee deep in a puddle.
Silver Lining 12" x 12" *sold I have been working to piece together the shards depression left in its wake, using the Japanese concept of “kintsugi” - meaning “to join with gold”. The beauty is still sometimes overshadowed - but each time the clouds roll in, I’ve learned something new.
Into the Sun - 7.25” x 7.5” x 1.75” tunnel book - cover
Into the Sun - 7.25” x 7.5” x 1.75” tunnel book - inside